HINTING    

     A Kansas  editor hit on the following gentle device for dunning deliquent subscribers to the paper:

     "There i$ a little matter that $ome of  our $ub$criber$ have $eemingly forgotten entirely.  $ome of them have mad u$ many promi$e$, but have not kept them.  To u$ it i$ a very important matter -- it'$  ne$$ary in our bu$ine$$.  We are very mode$t and don't like to $peak about $uch remi$$ne$$."

HISTORY

     The faculty were arranging the order of examinations.  It was agreed that the harder subjects should be placed first in the list.  It was proposed that history should have the final place.  The woman teacher of that subject protested:  

     "But it is certainly one of the easiest subjects," the head of the faculty declared.

     The young woman shook her head, and spoke firmly:

     "Not the way I teach it.  Indeed, according to my method, it is a very difficult study, and most perplexing."

HOGS

     The professor and his wife were doubtful about returning to the farm on which they had passed the previous summer, because they had been somewhat annoyed by the proximity of the pigsty to the house.  Finally, the professor wrote to the farmer and explained the objectionable feature.  He received the following reply:

     "We hain't had no hogs on the place since you was here last summer.  Be sure to come."    

HOLDING HIS OWN

     The farmer, after seven years of effort on the stony farm, announced to all and sundry:

     "Anyhow, I'm holdin' my own.  I hadn't nothin' when I come here, an' I haven't nothin' now."     

HOME BREW

     The young man  had offered his heart and hand to the fair damsel.

     Before giving you my decision," she said sweetly, "I wish to ask you a question."  Then, as he nodded assent:  "Do you drink anything?"

     The young man replied without an instant of hesitation and proudly:

     "Anything!"

     And she fell into his arms.