HABIT    

          It was the bridegroom's third matrimonial undertaking, and the bride's second.  When the clergyman on whom they had called for the ceremony entered the parlor, he found the couple comfortably seated.  They made no effort to rise, so, as he opened the book to begin the service, he directed them, "Please, stand up."

     The bridegroom looked at the bride, and the bride stared back at him, and then both regarded the clergyman, while the man voiced their decision in a tone that was polite, but very firm:

     "We have ginerally sot."

*   *   *

     It is a matter of common knowledge that there have been troublous times in Ireland before those of the present.  In the days of the Land League, an Irish Judge told as true of an experience while he was holding court in one of the turbulent sections.    When the jury entered the court-room at the beginning of the session, the bailiff directed them to take their accustomed places.  .  .  . And every m an of them walked forward into the dock.

*   *   *

HAIR

     The school girl from Avenue A, who had just learned that the notorious Gorgon sisters had snakes for hair, chewed her gum thoughtfully as she commented:

     "Tough luck to have to get out and grab a mess of snakes any time you want an extra puff."

HARD TO PLEASE

     The rather ferocious-appearing husband who had taken his wife to the beach for a holiday scowled heavily at an amateur photographer, and rumbled in a threatening bass voice:

     "What the blazes d'ye mean, photographin' my wife?  I saw ye when ye done it."

     The man addressed cringed, and replied placatingly:

     "You're mistaken, really!  I wouldn't think of doing such a thing."

     "Ye wouldn't, eh?" the surly husband growled, still more savagely.  "And why not?  I'd like to know.  She's the handsomest woman on the beach."

HEARSAY

     The convicted feudist was working for a pardon.  It was reported to him that the opposing clan was pulling wires against him, and spreading false reports concerning him.  He thereupon wrote a brief missive to the governor:

     "Dear guvner, if youve heared wat ive heared youve  heared youve heared a lie."