EGGS

     The farmer decided to give special attention to the development of his poultry yard, and he undertook the work carefully and systematically.  His hired man, who had been with him for a number of years, was instructed, among other things, to write on each egg the date laid and the breed of hen.  After a month, the hired man resigned.

     "I can't understand," the farmer declared, surprised and pained, "why you should want to leave."

     "I'm through," the hired man asserted.  "I've done the nastiest jobs, an' never kicked.  But I draw the line on bein' secretary to a bunch o' hens."

EGOTISM

     The pessimist spoke mournfully to his friend:

     "It is only to me that such misfortunes happen."

     "What's the matter now?"

     The pessimist answered dolefully:

     "Don't you see that it is raining?"

ELEPHANT

     A circus man was scouring the countryside in search of an elephant that had escaped from the menagerie and wandered off.  He inquired of an Irishman working in a field to learn if the fellow had seen any strange animal thereabouts.

     "Begorra, Oi hev thot!" was the vigorous answer.  "There was an inju-rubber bull around here, pullin' carrots with its tail."

ELOPEMENT

     Some months after the elopement, an old friend met the bridegroom, and asked eagerly for details.

     "What about her father?  Did he catch you?"

     "Just that!" quoth the bridegroom grimly.  "Incidentally, I may add that the old boy is living with us still."

EPITATH

     In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription which runs thus:

     "This monument is erected to the memory of James O'Flinn, who was accidentally shot by his brother as a mark of affection.