DOMESTIC QUARRELS
The newly married pair quarreled seriously, so that the wife in a passion finally declared:
"I'm going home to my mother!"
The husband maintained his calm in the face of this calamity, and drew out his pocketbook.
"Here," he said, counting out some bills, "is the money for your railroad fare."
The wife took it, and counted it in her turn. Then she faced her husband scornfully: "But that isn't enough for a return ticket." * * * The good wife, after she and her husband had retired for the night, discoursed for a long time with much eloquence. When
she was interrupted by
a snore from her
spouse, she thumped
the sleeper into
wakefulness, and then
remarked:
"John, do you know what I think of a man who will go to sleep while his own wife is a-talkin' to him?"
"Well, now, I believe as how I do, Martha," was the
drowsily uttered response. "But don't let
that stop you.
Go right ahead, an'
get it off your
mind."
DOUBT
Small Jimmie discussed
with his chief crony
the minister's sermon
which had dealt with
the seep and the
goats.
"Me," he
concluded, "I
don't know which I
am. Mother calls
me her lamb, and
father calls me
kid."
*
* *
Ability to look on two
sides of a question is
usually a virtue, but
it may degenerate into
a vice. Thus, a
visitor found his
bachelor friend glumly
studying an evening
waistcoat. When
inquiry was made, this
explanation was
forthcoming:
"It's quite too
soiled to wear, but
really, it's not dirty
enough to go to the
laundry. I can't
make up my mind just
what I should do about
it."
DRAMA
The new play was a failure. After the first act, many left the theatre; at the end of the second, most of the others started out. A cynical critic as he rose from his aisle seat raised a restraining hand. "Wait!" he commanded loudly. "Women and children first!" DREAMS
The group of dwellers at the seaside was
discussing the subject
of dreams and their
significance.
During a pause, one of
the party turned to a
little girl who had
sat listening
intently, and asked:
"Do you believe
that dreams come
true?"
"Of course, they
do," the child
replied firmly.
"Last night I
dreamed that I went
paddling -- and I
had!"
DRESS
Oh, have you
heard? Mrs.
Blaunt died to-day
while trying on a new
dress."
"How sad!
What was it trimmed
with?"
*
* *
The son of the house
had been reading of an
escaped lunatic.
"How do they
catch lunatics?"
he asked.
The father, who had
just paid a number of
bills, waxed
sarcastic:
"With enormous
straw hats, with
little bits of ones,
with silks and laces
and feathers and
jewelry, and so on and
so on."
"I recall
now," the mother
spoke up, "I used
to wear things of that
sort until I married
you.
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