DIRT
We are more particular
nowadays about
cleanliness than were
those of a past
generation.
Charles Lamb, during a
whist game, remarked
to his partner:
"Martin, if dirt
were trumps, what a
hand you'd have!"
*
* *
The French aristocrats
were not always conspicuously
careful in their
personal habits.
A visitor to a
Parisian grande
dame remarked to
her hostess:
"But how dirty
your hands are."
The great lady
regarded her hands
doubtfully, as she
replied:
"Oh, do you think
so? Why, you
ought to see my
feet!"
DISCIPLINE
Jimmy found much to
criticise in his small
sister. He felt
forced remonstrate
with his mother.
"Don't you want
Jenny to be a good
wife like you when she
grows up?" he
demanded. His
mother nodded assent.
"Then you better
get busy, ma.
You make me give into
her all the time
'cause I'm bigger 'en
she is. You're
smaller 'en pa, but
when he comes in, you
bring him his
slippers, and hand him
the paper."
Jimmie yanked his
go-cart from baby
Jennie, and
disregarded her wail
of anger as he continued:
"Got to dis'plin
her, or she'll make an
awful wife!"
DISCRETION
The kindly and
inquisitive old
gentleman was
interested in the
messenger boy who sat
on the steps of a
house, and toyed
delicately with a
sandwich taken from
its wrapper.
With the top piece of
bread carefully
removed, the boy
picked out and ate a
few small pieces of
chicken. The
puzzled observer
questioned the lad:
"Now, sonny, why
don't you eat your
sandwich right down,
instead of fussing
with it like
that?"
The answer was
explicit:
"Dasn't!
Tain't mine."
DIVORCE
The court was
listening to the
testimony of the wife
who sought a divorce.
"Tell me
explicitly," the
judge directed the
woman, "what
fault you have to find
with your
husband."
And the wife was
explicit:
"He is a liar, a
brute, a thief and a
brainless fool!"
"Tut, tut!"
the judge
remonstrated.
"I suspect you
would find difficulty
in proving all your
assertions."
"Prove it!"
was the retort.
"Why, everybody
knows it."
"If you knew
it," his honor
demanded
sarcastically,
"why did you
marry him?"
"I didn't know it
before I married
him."
The husband
interrupted angrily:
"Yes, she did,
too," he
shouted.
"She did
so!"
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