The housewife gave the tramp a large piece of pie on condition that he should saw some wood.  The tramp retired to the woodshed, but presently he reappeared at the back door of the house with the piece of pie still intact save for one mouthful bitten from the end.

     "Madam," he said respectfully to the wondering woman, "If it's all the same to you, I'll eat the wood, and saw the pie."

COURTESY

     The witness was obviously a rustic and quite new to the ways of a court-room.  So, the judge directed him:

     "Speak to the jury, sir -- the men sitting behind you on the benches."

     The witness turned, bowed clumsily and said:

     "Good-morning, gentlemen."

COWARDICE

     The old farmer and his wife visited the menagerie.  When they halted before the hippopotamus cage, he remarked admiringly:

     "Darn'd curi's fish, ain't it, ma?"

     "That ain't a fish," the wife announced.  "That's a rep-tile."

     It was thus that the argument began.  It progressed to a point of such violence that the old lady began belaboring the husband with her umbrella.  The old man dodged and ran, with the wife in pursuit.  The trainer had just opened the door of the lions' cage, and the farmer popped in.  He crowded in behind the largest lion and peered over its shoulder fearfully at his wife, who, on the other side of the bars, shook her umbrella furiously. 

     "Coward!" she shouted.  "Coward!"