Jeanette was wearing a new frock when her dearest friend called.

     "I look a perfect fright," she remarked, eager for praise.

     The dearest friend was thinking of her own affairs, and answered absent-mindedly:

      "Yes, you certainly do."

     "Oh, you horrid thing!" Jeanette gasped.  "I'll never --never speak to you again!"

CALMNESS

In Bret Harte's Mary McGillup, there is a notable description of calmness in most trying circumstances.

     " 'I have the honor of addressing the celebrated Rebel spy, Miss McGillup?' " asked the vandal officer.

  "In a moment I was perfectly calm.  With the exception of slightly expectorating twice in the face of the minion I did not betray my agitation."

CARDS

     A Tennessee farmer went to town and bought a gallon jug of whiskey.  He left it in the grocery store, and tagged it with a five of hearts from the deck in his pocket, on which he wrote his name.  When he returned two hours later, the jug was gone.  He demanded an explanation from the grocer.

     "Simple enough," was the reply.  "Jim Slocum come along with a six of hearts, an' jist nacherly took thet thar jug o'yourn."

CARELESSNESS

     The housemaid, tidying the stairs the morning after a reception, found lying there one of the solid silver teaspoons.

     "My goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, as she retrieved the piece of silver.  "Some one of the company had a hole in his pocket."

CATEPILLARS

      The small boy sat at the foot of the telegraph pole, with a tin can in his hands.  The curious old gentleman gazed first at the lad and then at the can, much perplexed.

   "Caterpillars!" he ejaculated.  "What are you doing with them?"

     "They climb trees and eat the leaves," the boy explained.

     "Yes?"

     "And so," the boy continued proudly, "I'm foolin' this bunch by lettin' 'em climb the telegraph pole."