BETROTHAL

     The cook, Nora, had announced her engagement to a frequenter at the kitchen, named Mike.  But a year passed and nothing was heard of the nuptuals.  So, one day, the mistress inquired:

     "When are you to be married, Nora?"

     "Indade, an' it's niver at all, I'll be thinkin', mum," the cook answered sadly.

     "Really?  Why what is the trouble?"

     The reply was explicit:

     "Tis this, mum.  I won't marry Mike when he's drunk, an' he won't marry me when he's sober."

*  *  *

     The delinquent laggard swain had been telling of his ability as a presiding officer.  The girl questioned him:

     "What is the parliamentary phrase when you wish to call for a vote?"

    "The answer was given with proud certainty:

     "Yes, dearest," the girl confessed shyly.  "Go ahead."

BIGAMY

     What is the penalty for bigamy?

     Two mothers-in-law.

*  *  *

     The man was weak and naturally unlucky, and so he got married three times inside of a year.  He was convicted and sentenced for four years.  He seemed greatly relieved.  As the expiration of his term grew near, he wrote from the penitentiary to his lawyer, with the plaintive query:

     "Will it be safe for me to come out?"

BIRTH

     The little girl in the zoological park tossed bits of a bun to the stork, which gobbled them greedily, and bobbed its head toward her for more.

     "What kind of a bird is it, mamma?" the child asked.

     "The mother read the placard, and answered that it was a stork.

     "O-o-o-h!" the little girl cried, as her eyes rounded.  "Of course, it recognized me!"