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ACQUAINTANCE
The Scotchman who ran a
livery was asked by a
tourist as to how many
the carryall would hold.
"Fower
generally," was the
answer.
"Likely sax, if
they're weel aquaint."
ACTORS
The tragedian had just
signed a contract
to tour South
Africa. He told a
friend of it at the
club. The friend
shook his head dismally.
"The ostrich,"
he explained in a
pitying tone, "lays
an egg weighing anywhere
from two to four
pounds."
ADVERTISING
The editor of the local
paper was unable to
secure advertising from
one of the business men
of the town, who
asserted stoutly that he
himself never read ads,
and didn't believe
anyone else did.
"Will you advertise
if I can convince you
that folks read the
ads?" the editor
asked.
"If you can show
me!" was the
sarcastic answer.
"But you
can't."
In the next issue of the
paper, the editor ran a
line of small type in an
obscure corner. It
read:
"What is Jenkins
going to do about
it?"
The business man,
Jenkins, hastened to
seek out the editor next
day. He admitted
that he was being
pestered out of his wits
by the curious. He
agreed to stand by the
editor's explanation in
the forthcoming issue,
and this was:
"Jenkins is going
to advertise, of
course."
Having once advertised,
Jenkins advertises
still.
AFFECTION
There are as many
aspects of grief as
there are persons to
mourn. A quality
of pathetic and rather
grisly humor is to be
found in the incident of
an English laborer,
whose little son
died. The vicar on
calling to condole with
the parents found the
father pacing to and fro
in the living-room with
the tiny body in his
arms. As the
clergyman spoke phrases
of sympathy, the father,
with tears streaming
down his cheeks,
interrupted loudly:
"Oh sir, you don't
know how I loved that
li'll faller. Yus,
sir, if it worn't agin
the law, I'd keep him
an' have him stuffed, I
would!"
AGE
The woman confessed to
her crony:
"I'm growing old,
and I know it.
Nowadays, the policeman
never takes me by the
arm when he escorts me
through traffic."
ALIBI
The mother called in
vain for her young son.
Then she searched the
ground floor, the first
story, the second, and
the attic --all in
vain. Finally, she
climbed to the trap door
in the roof, pushed it
open, and cried:
"John Henry, are
you out there?"
An answer came clearly:
"No, mother.
Have you looked in the
cellar?" |
